dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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