Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
