did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
