thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
