on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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