you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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