someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We are all done wearing pants today
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
