sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
