I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
