We won't sleep together?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
