there was a trapeze. enough said
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
