glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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