I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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