how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
