just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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