I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
