mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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