She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
