Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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