hell yes lets make some ravioli
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
