i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
