You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
