Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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