one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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