I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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