We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
