So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
