I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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