His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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