Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
