also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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