Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
