And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
