That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
