Buhtt sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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