hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize