went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
