dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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