I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize