Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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