He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
