I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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