i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
