Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
