this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize