Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
