i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
