I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
