I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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