giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Mom said you looked used
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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