I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
