I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
