Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
