My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
