Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
