One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
