Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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