I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
