Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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