honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
