I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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