oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize