He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
