I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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