im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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