I can tuck mytits in my pants
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i think i just lost a toe
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
