She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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