i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize