walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
