So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
