either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its not stalking. its research.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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