Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
