I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
