what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
