if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
