she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
