I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
