I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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