sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
