the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
