if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
