Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
