hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
