I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
